I hate it when this happens.

I have never felt comfortable in a pool. Scratch that, there have two times in my life that I have felt comfortable swimming and they were both at Noah's Ark circa 1995. Every time I get into the pool all I can think about is wanting to get out. Every break in between laps is a battle for me to push off again. I just dont like it. I get claustrophobic and I forget how to breath, then if I take in water when Im trying to breath I might as well just go ahead and drown, it freaks me out so much.
I really wanted to like swimming, I have tried very hard to read, watch and learn about it so that maybe someday I could unlock some secret door that allowed me to fall in love with the sport. After two winters of trying I am struggling to see the appeal.

Sure, it is amazing fitness and really should be part of every ones workout, you know, once a month or so. Even considering the health benefits and my desire to compete in Triathlons again, I still cant get into it. I want to, mostly. I would love to jump into the pool and just feel free, to float and enjoy myself, to play beneath the tiny waves and love the cool sensation on my skin. I would really like that. But I cant go more than 3 feet underwater without my ears being crushed by the pressure and my eyes starting to hurt.

I have dived into the deep end of pools from boards and gone too deep, so much so that the instant pressure change makes me feel like I will explode. My head hurts for hours afterward and if I think about it real hard I can conjure the pain even on dry land. It sucks.
I dont think it comes from anything, having ear problems as a kid and whatnot, its just part of my anatomy. Going up and down small hills in my car will cause my ears to pop when other people have no change. Coming down from altitude in a plane can bring me to tears it hurts so bad and for so long. Sometimes after a flight I will have an ear ache for an entire day it gets so bad.

I dont know what Im trying to get it here, I had a bad day at the pool and this is the first sport or athletic thing that I have even been poor at and really dont like. It's too bad I need it to be part of my life for some of my stupid goals.


Iron Man by the time Im 30, good luck.

But I push forward. I keep getting back into that damn pool, sometimes just for 10-15 min, and force myself to do it. I dont think Im getting any better and I really dont like it any more but if I dont keep at it I will never, ever, succeed.